Funny Backstory Generator: Raised by Owls, Here by Mistake

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Funny Backstory Generator: Raised by Owls, Here by Mistake: 30 backstories

Raised to answer only to a whistle. Then set a town record for standing still. Life's ambition: to open a jar on the first try. Afraid of their own sneeze. Secret: is the anonymous donor of the terrible statue. Here because the bridge was closed and the detour had ideas of its own.

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Raisedto answer only to a whistle
Thenset a town record for standing still
Life's ambitionto open a jar on the first try
Afraid oftheir own sneeze
Secretis the anonymous donor of the terrible statue
Here becausethe bridge was closed and the detour had ideas of its own

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Raised to answer only to a whistle. Then set a town record for standing still. Life's ambition: to open a jar on the first try. Afraid of their own sneeze. Secret: is the anonymous donor of the terrible statue. Here because the bridge was closed and the detour had ideas of its own.
Raised among circus tumblers, as the one who stayed on the ground. Then tuned pianos by ear, the wrong ear. Life's ambition: to deliver a letter in person, to themselves. Afraid of being handed a baby that belongs to someone else. Secret: clapped at the wrong moment and let a neighbour be blamed. Here because it was that or dancing lessons.
Raised among beekeepers who were all afraid of bees. Then knitted a scarf too long to leave the house with. Life's ambition: to sleep in every room of a very large hotel. Afraid of brass bands at close range. Secret: is the one who keeps moving the garden gnome. Here because the neighbours got a trumpet.
Raised as the apprentice to an apprentice. Then delivered a parcel to the wrong country. Life's ambition: to build a tower with the door at the top. Afraid of swans, on reasonable grounds. Secret: is secretly very good at knitting. Here because they are the replacement for someone who never left.
Raised to apologize to furniture. Then fell asleep on a parade float and woke in the next county. Life's ambition: to invent a new colour. Afraid of being picked from the audience. Secret: has been lost since this morning. Here because a butterfly seemed to know the way.
Raised by a mail carrier, along the route. Then found the end of a rainbow in a puddle. Life's ambition: to see the back of their own head. Afraid of a chair that has just been sat in. Secret: has worn a borrowed coat for most of their life. Here because the wind changed.
Raised by a retired stage magician and his rabbit. Then knitted a scarf too long to leave the house with. Life's ambition: to make their grandmother laugh on purpose. Afraid of jelly that keeps moving. Secret: has named every pigeon in the square. Here because they are collecting a debt of one button.
Raised to think thunder was applause. Then was hired to count sheep and fell asleep on the job. Life's ambition: to throw a party where everyone finds a chair. Afraid of small talk about the weather with a weather forecaster. Secret: broke the vase and has stood in front of the gap ever since. Here because a kite got away.
Raised by a retired stage magician and his rabbit. Then was mistaken for a visiting conductor and conducted. Life's ambition: to write the last word on the subject of spoons. Afraid of ducks in groups of three. Secret: is extremely ticklish. Here because it was that or dancing lessons.
Raised as a stand-in for a statue during repairs. Then judged a cake contest and declared every cake the winner. Life's ambition: to own a hundred hats and wear two. Afraid of kites with ambition. Secret: has a twin who does the difficult parts. Here because it was as far as they could get on one sandwich.
Raised in a town where every day was market day. Then discovered an island the size of a rug. Life's ambition: to get through a doorway without bumping anything. Afraid of being handed a baby that belongs to someone else. Secret: planted the mystery sunflowers. Here because they forgot the candles and left before the cake.
Raised in a greenhouse, among the tomatoes. Then was hired to count sheep and fell asleep on the job. Life's ambition: to shake hands with everyone in town, alphabetically. Afraid of soft cheese. Secret: ate the last slice and blamed the dog. Here because the line they joined ended here.
Raised by a baker who measured everything in handfuls. Then gave a speech at the wrong wedding, to applause. Life's ambition: to be first to the top of a small hill. Afraid of compliments. Secret: has read the last page first, every time. Here because they were told the birthday party was this way.
Raised under the impression they were a duck. Then was taken for a walk by a very large dog. Life's ambition: to remember where the good scissors are. Afraid of choosing for the whole table. Secret: cannot ride the bicycle they wheel everywhere. Here because they forgot the candles and left before the cake.
Raised as the echo in a family of singers. Then opened a door marked "pull" by pushing. Life's ambition: to throw a party where everyone finds a chair. Afraid of kites with ambition. Secret: is the author of the unsigned poems in the town paper. Here because they mistook this place for another with the same name.
Raised by the staff of a hotel that had no guests. Then set a town record for standing still. Life's ambition: to own a hat that stays on. Afraid of choosing for the whole table. Secret: keeps returning the same library book under different names. Here because their shoes wanted to.
Raised as a mascot for a team that never won. Then was adopted by a pigeon that would not take no. Life's ambition: to make one pancake that is round. Afraid of forgetting a name halfway through saying it. Secret: is the anonymous donor of the terrible statue. Here because they asked the way from a man who was also lost.
Raised in the coat check of an opera house. Then lost a race to a man carrying a wardrobe. Life's ambition: to conduct an orchestra of kettles. Afraid of a letter that begins "As you know". Secret: cannot read their own handwriting. Here because they mistook this place for another with the same name.
Raised in the waiting room of a station with one train a week. Then became briefly famous for a hat. Life's ambition: to sleep in every room of a very large hotel. Afraid of being asked to dance. Secret: has been lost since this morning. Here because they got off one stop early, several stops ago.
Raised on tour with an orchestra, in the cello case. Then locked themselves out of a tent. Life's ambition: to deliver a letter in person, to themselves. Afraid of revolving doors. Secret: has never seen the sea and describes it often. Here because the map was upside down for the first hundred miles.
Raised by the staff of a hotel that had no guests. Then locked themselves out of a tent. Life's ambition: to own a hat that stays on. Afraid of being thanked in public. Secret: has the missing piece of the town jigsaw. Here because their dog knows something.
Raised as the youngest of eleven and the only one who could cook. Then was hired to count sheep and fell asleep on the job. Life's ambition: to write the last word on the subject of spoons. Afraid of stairs with no carpet. Secret: has never understood a knock-knock joke. Here because they came to see a man about a goat.
Raised in the waiting room of a station with one train a week. Then was taken for a walk by a very large dog. Life's ambition: to plant shade for people they will never meet. Afraid of the seat nearest the door. Secret: moved the signpost slightly, as a child. Here because it seemed like a Thursday sort of place.
Raised by two rival chess champions. Then borrowed a cup of sugar and never found the way home. Life's ambition: to write a thank-you letter for every sandwich. Afraid of the seat nearest the door. Secret: ate the prize pie before the judging. Here because they were following a parade and it ended.
Raised entirely on leftovers from weddings. Then entered a dog show as the dog's assistant and placed third. Life's ambition: to learn the birthday of everyone they know. Afraid of an accordion heard through a wall. Secret: is the author of the unsigned poems in the town paper. Here because a grandmother sent them for thread, some time ago.
Raised on tour with an orchestra, in the cello case. Then got stuck in a revolving door for an afternoon. Life's ambition: to throw a party where everyone finds a chair. Afraid of pies of uncertain filling. Secret: is secretly very good at knitting. Here because a parrot told them to come.
Raised by two rival chess champions. Then dug a hole to nowhere in particular. Life's ambition: to grow a pumpkin big enough to live in. Afraid of a clock that ticks slightly off the beat. Secret: has never once won at cards and keeps the cards anyway. Here because the signpost was pointing the other way that morning.
Raised among weather forecasters who were always surprised. Then locked themselves out of a tent. Life's ambition: to found a museum of things found in pockets. Afraid of being asked to hold the end of the tape measure. Secret: has a second, better hat for when nobody is looking. Here because it was that or dancing lessons.
Raised with a marching band that had no sense of direction. Then sat on a wedding cake. Life's ambition: to teach a shy dog to wave. Afraid of reading aloud. Secret: has a map to somewhere they have already been. Here because someone said "you can't miss it" and they did.
Raised in a house with too many staircases. Then became briefly famous for a hat. Life's ambition: to leave every place tidier than they found it. Afraid of forgetting a name halfway through saying it. Secret: does not like the hat. Here because they came to apologize to the wrong person.

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Raised: all 74 upbringings

By unlikely guardians 14

by a baker who measured everything in handfuls A child being weighed against a sack of flour.
by a committee of aunts who voted on everything A row of raised hands and one small figure waiting for the result.
by a mail carrier, along the route A baby in the mailbag, between the parcels.

Show all 74 upbringings (71 more)

By unlikely guardians, continued

by a retired stage magician and his rabbit The rabbit is the one holding the storybook.
by a ship's cook on dry land A kitchen where everything is tied down, just in case.
by a travelling choir that never found the note A wagon of open mouths, with a child covering both ears.
by a very patient donkey A child on a fence, mid-speech, and a donkey listening.
by bees, loosely A small figure in a veil, with a cloud of dots keeping watch.
by librarians, in whispers Tall shelves, and a finger to every pair of lips.
by owls, which explains the hours Wide eyes at midnight on a branch, and a yawn at noon.
by pigeons on a roof with a view A nest of blankets among chimneys.
by the staff of a hotel that had no guests A line of uniforms bowing to a toddler.
by three grandfathers who each remembered it differently Three arms pointing three ways at the same old photograph.
by two rival chess champions A cradle on a chequered floor, between two frowns.

In unlikely places 15

between the shelves of a library that never closed A blanket fort built of dictionaries.
in a bakery that made only one kind of bun The same bun on every shelf and on every plate.
in a clock tower, and never once on time Huge gears behind and a small figure running.
in a costume shop, in a different outfit every day Seven small portraits, none alike.
in a greenhouse, among the tomatoes A face between vines, at the same height as the fruit.
in a hat shop, under the hats A hat with feet.
in a house with too many staircases Stairs in every direction and a child with a map.
in a museum, as an unofficial exhibit A small figure on a stand, holding very still, with a handwritten label.
in a town where every day was market day A cradle between two stalls.
in a village that had mislaid its own name A signpost with a blank board and a question mark in chalk.
in the back of a travelling puppet show A child among hanging puppets, about the same size.
in the coat check of an opera house A cot under a row of coats, with a numbered ticket on it.
in the quietest town in the country, by loud parents Shutters closing all down the street.
in the waiting room of a station with one train a week A bench, a clock and a childhood going past.
on a houseboat that never left the dock A rope gone green with age and a captain's hat.

As somebody 15

as a child prodigy at something nobody needed A trophy for a skill you invent.
as a mascot for a team that never won A cheerful costume head under one arm and a scoreboard of zeros.
as a stand-in for a statue during repairs A child on a plinth with a pigeon on the head.
as heir to a fortune in buttons A treasure chest, open, full of buttons.
as the apprentice to an apprentice Three aprons in a row, each smaller than the last.
as the echo in a family of singers A small mouth open half a beat after the others.
as the family's only early riser One lit window in a dark house and a child with a rooster.
as the fourth of a set of triplets, somehow Three alike and one a little to the side.
as the official taster at a jam factory A spoon, a serious face and a bib.
as the only pupil in a school for twelve Eleven empty desks and one hand up.
as the only sensible one in a family of acrobats A pyramid of relatives and one child with both feet on the floor.
as the test audience for a failed comedian One child in a row of empty chairs, not laughing.
as the tie-breaker in a house of even numbers Two groups of adults looking down at one small voter.
as the understudy to an older sibling The same clothes one size down, waiting at the side.
as the youngest of eleven and the only one who could cook A very small cook on a very tall stool.

With unusual rules 15

by correspondence A stack of letters as tall as a child, each beginning "Eat your greens".
entirely on leftovers from weddings A plate with a slice of cake at every meal.
on a strict diet of porridge and proverbs A bowl, a spoon and a sampler on the wall.
on stories that all ended "and then it rained" A storybook with an umbrella on the last page.
to answer only to a whistle A head turning sharply in a crowd.
to apologize to furniture A small bow to a table leg.
to believe that Tuesdays were optional A calendar with one column crossed out.
to believe the moon followed them personally A child glancing back over one shoulder at the sky.
to bow to every cat A deep bow on a street full of cats.
to count in dozens An egg box used as an abacus.
to sing the alphabet backward first A classroom of puzzled faces.
to think thunder was applause A bow taken in a storm.
under the impression they were a duck A child at the end of a line of ducklings.
with nine clocks, all set differently A wall of faces showing nine different times.
without ever being told the rules of tag Everyone running one way and one child standing, thinking.

In odd company 15

among beekeepers who were all afraid of bees A row of veils, all backing away.
among circus tumblers, as the one who stayed on the ground Feet in the air all round and one pair on the sawdust.
among detectives who could never find their hats Magnifying glasses everywhere and the hats on a child.
among gardeners, as assistant to the scarecrow Two figures with their arms out, one of straw.
among mapmakers, without ever leaving the house A child tracing a coastline, with the front door closed behind.
among sleepwalkers, as the night watch A line of nightshirts and a child steering with a candle.
among weather forecasters who were always surprised Open mouths under a sudden shower.
at the back of a parade that never ended A small figure with a broom, following confetti.
backstage, between the second and third acts Ropes, painted trees and a crib made from a prop trunk.
by a debating society, with rebuttals A bedtime story with a hand raised in objection.
in a family of stilt walkers, at ground level Long poles all round and a face looking up.
in a kitchen with nine cooks and one spoon Nine hands on one handle.
in the middle seat of a very long family A bench of siblings and one squeezed in the centre.
on tour with an orchestra, in the cello case A case standing open, with a pillow inside.
with a marching band that had no sense of direction A neat column heading into a pond.

How this list was compiled: Original list written for Draw This Next, September 2026. Nothing here is a fact to check. Every entry is an upbringing, written to follow the word "Raised". Every joke is one of circumstance. None is at the expense of a real group, a body, a disability, an accent or a name. Licence: own work

Then: all 70 incidents

Sudden fame 14

appeared in a newspaper under the wrong name, heroically A front page with a grand picture and a caption crossed out in pencil.
became briefly famous for a hat The hat on a poster, and the wearer cropped out.
cut the ribbon at an opening and kept the scissors Giant scissors under one arm, walking away.

Show all 70 incidents (67 more)

Sudden fame, continued

gave a speech at the wrong wedding, to applause A cleared throat and two confused families clapping.
judged a cake contest and declared every cake the winner A table of cakes, each with a first-prize rosette.
set a town record for standing still A plaque on the spot and moss on the boots.
was awarded a medal meant for a horse A very large ribbon round a very ordinary neck.
was carried through the streets by mistake Up on shoulders, mouthing "wrong person".
was cheered by a crowd waiting for someone else A wave returned, and a second figure arriving behind.
was elected treasurer of a club they had never joined A cash box put into surprised hands.
was made employee of the month in a shop they were visiting A framed photograph on the wall of a customer holding a basket.
was mistaken for a visiting conductor and conducted A baton, a tailcoat that does not fit and a patient orchestra.
won a pie contest without entering it A ribbon pinned on, and a baffled face holding a fork.
won a staring contest against a portrait Face to face with a painting, eyes watering.

Mishaps 14

borrowed a cup of sugar and never found the way home An empty cup, held out, on a distant road.
delivered a parcel to the wrong country A doorstep, a parcel and a flag they do not recognize.
fell asleep on a parade float and woke in the next county Paper flowers, a pillow of bunting and an unfamiliar signpost.
followed the wrong tour group for a week A guide's flag, a line of strangers and one face at the back checking a ticket.
got on the wrong boat and was made captain A hat put on from behind and a wheel put in front.
got stuck in a revolving door for an afternoon Lunch being passed in through the gap.
knitted a scarf too long to leave the house with Wool filling a hallway.
locked themselves out of a tent A zipped tent and a figure outside it in pyjamas.
lost a race to a man carrying a wardrobe The wardrobe crossing the line first.
mistook a museum for a restaurant A napkin tucked in, seated in front of a still life.
painted themselves into a corner, twice A wet floor, a dry corner and a second coat going on.
planted a whole garden of spoons Neat rows of handles and a hopeful watering can.
sat on a wedding cake A flattened top tier and two small figures on the floor.
sneezed at an auction and bought a windmill A hand over the nose, and a hammer coming down.

Animal trouble 14

entered a dog show as the dog's assistant and placed third A small rosette on the wrong one of the pair.
found a frog in every pocket Pockets turned out and a small green chorus.
hid from a squirrel A grown figure behind a thin tree.
lost an argument with an owl A finger raised and an owl looking away.
rode a pony the wrong way round a racetrack Everyone else coming the other way.
shared a stage with a seal and was upstaged A seal with the ball, and the applause.
taught a parrot to apologize, and it never stopped A parrot with a speech bubble that fills the room.
tried to herd cats, professionally A whistle, a crook and cats going in nine directions.
was adopted by a pigeon that would not take no A pigeon on the shoulder, settled for good.
was befriended by a duck with opinions A duck beside them on a bench, mid-quack.
was chased by a very slow cow A walk, glancing back, and a cow at the same pace.
was out-sung by a rooster A mouth wide open and a rooster on a fence, louder.
was outwitted by a goat, publicly A goat on the right side of a gate, and a crowd.
was taken for a walk by a very large dog A lead pulled tight and feet off the ground.

Jobs that went wrong 14

apprenticed to a locksmith and locked the shop Two faces at the window, on the inside.
drove a cart of eggs down the only bumpy road A cart in the air and the driver's eyes shut.
guarded a door that led to a broom closet A uniform, a serious stance and a mop behind.
kept bees that kept leaving Empty hives and a line of dots going over the hill.
painted every fence on the wrong street A bright row of fences and a puzzled row of owners.
ran a lemonade stand at a loss for nine years A very weathered sign and a full jug.
sold umbrellas in a desert and broke even A stall in the sand and one customer using it for shade.
took a job testing park benches A clipboard, a bench and a nap.
tuned pianos by ear, the wrong ear A head inside a piano and a cat leaving the room.
was hired to count sheep and fell asleep on the job A clipboard in the grass and a flock looking on.
was let go from a bakery for kneading too much Dough stretched across the whole room.
was the second-best juggler in a town of two Two jugglers, one of them picking things up.
worked one day as a town crier with nothing to announce A bell, a scroll and a blank page.
wrote the shortest book in town A book the size of a stamp on a very big shelf.

Odd luck 14

caught a falling pie Arms out, eyes shut, and a pie arriving.
discovered an island the size of a rug A flag planted with no room left to stand.
dug a hole to nowhere in particular A spade, a pile of earth and a hat at ground level.
found a treasure map to their own house An X on a map and the same front door.
found the end of a rainbow in a puddle Bright stripes going into the ground at their feet.
inherited a hill A deed, a spade and a view.
lost their shadow for a weekend A figure on a sunny street with nothing underneath.
opened a door marked "pull" by pushing A door off its frame and a crowd applauding.
received a letter meant for the king and answered it A wax seal broken and a pen already moving.
rolled downhill into a better job A tumble ending at a desk.
was rained on by one small cloud, repeatedly Sun everywhere except over one hat.
wished on a star that turned out to be a kite A string leading down from the star to a child.
won a coin toss that had three sides A coin on its edge and two people looking at a third.
won a lifetime supply of string A ball of string taller than a door.

How this list was compiled: Original list written for Draw This Next, September 2026. Nothing here is a fact to check. Every entry is something that happened, written to follow the word "Then". Every joke is one of circumstance. None is at the expense of a real group, a body, a disability, an accent or a name. Licence: own work

Life's ambition: all 60 ambitions

Small 15

to be on time for something, anything Running past a clock.
to be recognized by their own dog A wave, and a dog greeting someone else.
to earn the respect of one particular cat A bow, an offering, and a cat washing its foot.
to find the other sock One bare foot, and a drawer turned out on the floor.

Show all 60 ambitions (56 more)

Small, continued

to finish a sentence at a family dinner A mouth open and six other mouths already talking.
to fold a map back the way it came A map the size of a tablecloth and a small frown.
to get through a doorway without bumping anything A parcel, a doorframe and a pause to measure.
to have a nickname they chose A name tag written in their own hand, hopefully.
to keep a houseplant alive through winter A pot, a scarf round the pot and a hopeful stare.
to make one pancake that is round A plate of interesting shapes.
to open a jar on the first try A red face, a tea towel and a lid that has not moved.
to own a hat that stays on A hat in the air and a hand reaching for it.
to remember where the good scissors are Every drawer open.
to tell a joke all the way to the end A finger raised, and listeners already laughing at the wrong part.
to whistle a whole tune Three notes in the air and a fourth going wrong.

Grand 15

to appear on a coin of small value A profile practised in a mirror.
to be first to the top of a small hill A flag, a pose and a picnic already there.
to be mayor of somewhere, however small A sash, a chain and a town of three houses.
to be painted in oils looking thoughtful A chin on a fist, held too long.
to build a tower with the door at the top Scaffolding, and a ladder that is the only way in.
to conduct an orchestra of kettles A baton raised over a stove.
to discover a new kind of weather A notebook held out in something that is neither rain nor snow.
to found a museum of things found in pockets Glass cases of lint, string and one marble.
to have a holiday named after them, in spring A calendar with one date circled in hope.
to have a soup named after them A menu board with a blank line.
to hold a record nobody else wants A certificate and a room with no rivals in it.
to invent a new colour A paint pot held up to the light, and a frown.
to teach a river to keep time A metronome on the bank.
to walk round the world, mostly downhill A globe, a walking stick and a careful route.
to write the last word on the subject of spoons A very thick manuscript and a very small spoon.

Odd 15

to arrive somewhere before their luggage A platform, a wait and a trunk already there.
to bake a pie that can be seen from a hill A pie with a ladder leaning on it.
to collect one leaf from every tree in town An album, and a tree being asked politely.
to count every step between home and the sea Lips moving on a long road.
to deliver a letter in person, to themselves A knock on their own door, from outside.
to find the middle of the country and stand on it A map, a ruler and one foot on an X.
to get an echo to finish the sentence A shout into a valley, and a hand behind one ear.
to grow a pumpkin big enough to live in A pumpkin with a chalk outline of a door.
to learn every bird call and answer back Hands cupped to the mouth and a tree full of listeners.
to out-stare the moon A chair on a roof and a thermos.
to own a hundred hats and wear two A wall of hats and a worn pair by the door.
to see the back of their own head Two mirrors and a spin.
to shake hands with everyone in town, alphabetically A list, a pencil and a line of neighbours.
to sleep in every room of a very large hotel A key board with half the hooks ticked off.
to win a prize for modesty and tell everyone A small medal held up very high.

Kind 15

to be a good influence on a scarecrow Straightening a straw hat, kindly.
to be the person the cat chooses A lap, kept empty and ready.
to bring soup that arrives hot A run with a pot, wrapped in a towel.
to cheer loudly for the team that is losing One flag waving in a quiet stand.
to fix the squeaky gate before anyone asks An oil can at dawn.
to give a speech that makes nobody groan A page of notes and a room holding its breath.
to give back a glove found on a railing A glove held up at every door on the street.
to learn the birthday of everyone they know A calendar black with names.
to leave every place tidier than they found it A straightened picture in the house of somebody else.
to make their grandmother laugh on purpose A joke in progress and one eyebrow slowly rising.
to plant shade for people they will never meet A sapling, a spade and a very long view.
to return every library book they have ever borrowed A wheelbarrow of books at a library door.
to teach a shy dog to wave One paw lifted, a little.
to throw a party where everyone finds a chair Chairs being counted twice.
to write a thank-you letter for every sandwich A stack of envelopes beside a plate.

How this list was compiled: Original list written for Draw This Next, September 2026. Nothing here is a fact to check. Every entry is an ambition, written to follow the words "Life's ambition". Every joke is one of circumstance. None is at the expense of a real group, a body, a disability, an accent or a name. Licence: own work

Afraid of: all 60 fears

Quiet things 15

a chair that has just been sat in A warm cushion, regarded from a distance.
a clock that ticks slightly off the beat An ear turned to a wall and a worried count on the fingers.
a kettle that is taking too long Arms folded, leaning away.

Show all 60 fears (57 more)

Quiet things, continued

a letter that begins "As you know" A page held at arm's length and one eye closed.
a perfectly tidy drawer A drawer opened one inch and closed again.
the calm before a group photograph A row of fixed smiles and one pair of darting eyes.
compliments A step backward with both hands up.
the last cookie on the plate A hand going out and coming back.
libraries on a Sunday Tiptoes past a dark window.
the middle step of any staircase A long stride over one stair.
the pause before applause A bow held, eyes sideways.
socks that match too well Two feet side by side, examined.
soft cheese A cracker held at full stretch.
soup that has gone suspiciously still A spoon held back, and a level stare at a bowl.
Tuesdays A calendar with one day hidden behind a hand.

Lively things 15

a jack-in-the-box that has not gone off yet A box on a table and a figure pressed to the far wall.
an accordion heard through a wall A glass held to the wallpaper.
balloons at the moment of decision A balloon, a holly bush and a wince.
being asked to dance A sudden interest in the ceiling.
being picked from the audience Sliding down in a seat as a spotlight sweeps.
brass bands at close range Fingers in both ears and a tuba very near.
children who ask "why" twice A small finger pointing up and an adult in retreat.
confetti An umbrella opened indoors.
ducks in groups of three A wide path taken round a pond.
enthusiastic handshakes A hand offered and an arm already tucked behind the back.
jelly that keeps moving A plate carried very slowly.
kites with ambition A string held in both hands and feet leaving the ground.
revolving doors Three attempts and a run-up.
surprise parties, especially their own A dark doorway, entered sideways.
their own sneeze A build-up, and a brace against the furniture.

Being asked 15

a present that must be opened at once Paper half off and a face being arranged.
being asked to hold the end of the tape measure An arm stretched across a room, forgotten.
being asked to say a few words A glass tapped with a spoon, and a face draining.
being asked what they do A long breath in.
being asked whether they notice anything different A slow look from the top down.
being called on first A hand that was only stretching.
being handed a baby that belongs to someone else Arms out stiff, holding it like a tray.
being remembered by someone they do not remember A wide smile and panicking eyes.
being thanked in public A step behind the nearest tall person.
choosing for the whole table A menu held like a shield.
forgetting a name halfway through saying it A mouth open on the first letter.
long goodbyes in doorways One foot outside for a very long time.
reading aloud A book held high enough to hide behind.
small talk about the weather with a weather forecaster Two figures, one of them holding charts.
waving back at someone who was waving past them A raised hand turning into a scratch of the head.

Particular things 15

a suitcase that will not close Sitting on the lid, bouncing.
anything described as foolproof A box with that word on it, unopened.
buttons, in quantity A jar held well away from the body.
hats in a strong wind Both hands clamped on top of the head.
ladders, in principle Feet flat on the ground, pointing upward.
maps that say "you are here" A finger on a red dot, and a glance over the shoulder.
the number between seven and nine Counting on fingers, with a skip.
pies of uncertain filling A fork hovering.
puddles of unknown depth A stick being lowered in.
scissors that have gone missing again An empty hook and a suspicious look round the room.
the seat nearest the door A scramble for the far end of a bench.
spoons of the wrong size A soup bowl and a spoon for an egg.
stairs with no carpet Shoes carried in one hand.
swans, on reasonable grounds A wide detour round a riverbank.
the top bunk A ladder climbed one rung, then not.

How this list was compiled: Original list written for Draw This Next, September 2026. Nothing here is a fact to check. Every entry is a small, silly fear, written to follow the words "Afraid of". Every joke is one of circumstance. None is at the expense of a real group, a body, a disability, an accent or a name. Licence: own work

Secret: all 60 secrets

Cannot 15

cannot cook the dish they are named after An apron, smoke and a takeout bag behind the back.
cannot read their own handwriting A note held close, then far, then sideways.
cannot remember which twin they are Two identical faces, one of them unsure.
cannot ride the bicycle they wheel everywhere Walking beside it, uphill and down.

Show all 60 secrets (56 more)

Cannot, continued

cannot swim and owns three boats Three boats on the grass, very clean.
does not know the rules of the game they are famous for A trophy, and a rule book hidden inside a newspaper.
does not know which way is north and points anyway A confident arm and a compass in the other pocket.
does not like the hat A fixed smile under a brim.
has been singing the wrong words for years An open mouth in a choir and a neighbour glancing sideways.
has never finished a book and reviews them anyway A bookmark on page three of every volume on the shelf.
has never learned to whistle and nods along instead Pursed lips with nothing coming out, in a row of whistlers.
has never seen the sea and describes it often Hands spread wide and a listener holding a seashell.
has never understood a knock-knock joke A polite laugh one beat late.
has no idea what their own job title means A brass plate on the door and a dictionary open on the desk.
still counts on their fingers, behind their back A calm face in front and busy hands behind.

Did 15

ate the last slice and blamed the dog A dog with an empty plate put in front of it.
ate the prize pie before the judging Crumbs on a collar, in the front row.
broke the vase and has stood in front of the gap ever since A figure in the same spot in every family photograph.
clapped at the wrong moment and let a neighbour be blamed Hands behind the back and an innocent whistle.
has worn a borrowed coat for most of their life A name tag inside the collar that is not theirs.
hid the good biscuits behind the dictionary A gap on the shelf with crumbs in it.
is the reason the clock tower runs slow A paper aeroplane lodged in very large gears.
keeps returning the same library book under different names A date slip stamped all the way down.
moved the signpost slightly, as a child Two arms of a signpost and a road full of confused carts.
planted the mystery sunflowers Tall yellow heads along a public road and a seed packet in a pocket.
started the oldest rumour in town with one sneeze A hand over the nose and heads turning for miles.
swapped the salt and the sugar, once, magnificently A birthday table, and every face at the same moment.
taught the dog to fetch only the neighbour's newspaper A pile of papers by the door and a proud dog.
won the family trophy by default and never mentioned it A cup on a shelf, turned so the engraving faces the wall.
wrote their own letter of recommendation Two letters in the same hand, one signed with a flourish.

Is 15

is afraid of the family cat, and the cat knows A cat in the best chair and a figure on the stairs.
is extremely ticklish Elbows clamped to the sides in every crowd.
is keeping a duck in the spare room A closed door with a small pond of light under it.
is much better at it than their teacher A lesson where the pupil keeps one hand in a pocket.
is not a member of the club they chair A gavel, and a visitor's badge.
is only pretending to understand the map A nod, a finger on the map and a glance at the sun.
is related to everyone they have ever argued with A family tree with a lot of crossed arms on it.
is secretly very good at knitting A scarf growing under a desk.
is the anonymous donor of the terrible statue Walking past it quickly, collar up.
is the author of the unsigned poems in the town paper Ink on the fingers and a careful shrug.
is the mysterious stranger from their own story A cloak on the hook by the door.
is the one who keeps moving the garden gnome A gnome carried under a coat at dusk.
is the phantom who waters the plants of the whole street A watering can and a tiptoe at dawn.
is the real author of the neighbour's prize jam A jar, a rosette and a second label underneath.
is wearing two pairs of socks at all times A second cuff showing at the ankle.

Has 15

has a diary written entirely about the weather Page after page of small clouds.
has a favourite spoon and travels with it A spoon in a case made for spectacles.
has a lucky stone that has never once worked A pebble rubbed smooth and a rain cloud overhead.
has a map to somewhere they have already been An X with a tick through it.
has a pocket full of other people's pencils A bulging pocket, bristling.
has a second, better hat for when nobody is looking A hatbox opened behind a closed curtain.
has a speech ready for an award that does not exist Notes in an inside pocket, edited often.
has a twin who does the difficult parts The same hat on a hook backstage.
has an imaginary rival who is doing rather well A second, shinier trophy drawn in dotted lines.
has been lost since this morning A confident stride and the same corner for the third time.
has kept every ticket stub since childhood, in order A drawer of tiny labelled bundles.
has named every pigeon in the square A roll call from a bench.
has never once won at cards and keeps the cards anyway A worn deck with a ribbon round it.
has read the last page first, every time A book open at the back.
has the missing piece of the town jigsaw A puzzle with one hole in it and a hand in a pocket.

How this list was compiled: Original list written for Draw This Next, September 2026. Nothing here is a fact to check. Every entry is a harmless secret, written to follow the word "Secret". Every joke is one of circumstance. None is at the expense of a real group, a body, a disability, an accent or a name. Licence: own work

Here because: all 70 reasons

Lost 14

the bridge was closed and the detour had ideas of its own An arrow sign pointing at another arrow sign.
the map was upside down for the first hundred miles A map, a frown and a sea where the mountains should be.
the road forked and they took both, in turn Two sets of footprints, there and back.

Show all 70 reasons (67 more)

Lost, continued

the shortcut turned out to be the long way A path through brambles and a clear road visible beside it.
the signpost was pointing the other way that morning A post with one loose arm, swinging.
someone said "you can't miss it" and they did A very large building directly behind them.
their hat blew this way and they have nearly caught it A hat one step ahead, for miles.
they asked the way from a man who was also lost Two figures pointing at each other's maps.
they fell asleep on a cart and it kept going Hay, a snore and unfamiliar hills.
they got off one stop early, several stops ago A platform, a case and a very small station sign.
they meant to turn back at lunch A lunch basket, empty, and a long shadow.
they mistook this place for another with the same name Two identical signposts, far apart.
they were following a parade and it ended Streamers on the ground and one figure still marching.
the wind changed A hat, a coat and a body all leaning the same way.

Following something 14

a balloon needed returning A balloon on a string and a list of addresses.
a butterfly seemed to know the way A slow chase across a field.
a kite got away A string trailing over rooftops.
a parrot told them to come A parrot on a signpost, looking pleased.
a pie rolled downhill and this is where it stopped A pie on its edge against a doorstep.
the line they joined ended here A long line of people and nothing at the front of it.
the music was coming from this direction A hand to the ear at a crossroads.
the recipe they are following begins "travel east" A cookbook, open, and a walking stick.
somebody waved A hand in a far window.
their dog knows something A lead pulled tight and a dog with purpose.
they are chasing the end of a ball of yarn A thread across the whole picture.
they are returning a borrowed ladder A ladder carried through a narrow door.
they are tracking a rumour about free soup A spoon carried ready.
they followed the smell of baking A nose in the air and feet off the ground.

On an errand 14

a grandmother sent them for thread, some time ago A spool in a pocket and a beard that was not there before.
the invitation said "bring a friend" and they need one A card held up and a hopeful look.
they are collecting a debt of one button A very formal knock, with a small open palm.
they are delivering a letter with no address An envelope shown hopefully at every door.
they are returning a library book to the next kingdom A book under the arm and a mountain range ahead.
they are standing in for a cousin A borrowed jacket, long in the sleeve.
they are the replacement for someone who never left Two people in the same uniform at the same desk.
they came to apologize to the wrong person A bunch of flowers and a stranger receiving them.
they came to judge a contest that was held last year A clipboard in an empty tent.
they came to see a man about a goat A goat waiting, with no man.
they have a message and have forgotten whom it is for A scroll offered to passers-by in turn.
they promised to water the plants of a neighbour A watering can and a locked gate.
they were sent to fetch a bucket of steam A bucket with a lid, carried carefully.
they were told the birthday party was this way A wrapped present and an empty field.

Getting away 14

a duck holds a grudge A look back over the shoulder at a pond.
an aunt is visiting, and has not said for how long Trunks in the hall, stacked.
the choir at home was looking for a tenor A figure tiptoeing past an open hall.
the family portrait was being painted and they blinked A canvas with one figure smudged.
it was that or dancing lessons A pair of shiny shoes left on a step.
it was their turn to wash up A tower of dishes and a hat missing from its hook.
the neighbours got a trumpet A house with a note of music coming out of every window.
the parrot started repeating things A cage with a cloth thrown over it.
the surprise party was about to start A back door closing as a front door opens.
their cooking was discussed at a town meeting A covered dish and a quick exit.
they agreed to judge between two friends Two pies held out, and a figure leaving through the window.
they forgot the candles and left before the cake A box of candles in a coat pocket.
they owe a baker an explanation A wide berth round a shop window.
they were next in line to give the speech An empty place at the top table.

For no good reason 14

a note in a bottle was very specific A bottle, a rolled paper and an X on the ground.
a spun spoon pointed this way A spoon on a road, and a long look along its handle.
the chairs are comfortable Deep in an armchair, luggage unopened.
it is exactly halfway to somewhere A milestone with the same number on both sides.
it seemed like a Thursday sort of place A shrug at a town gate.
it was as far as they could get on one sandwich A paper wrapper and a milestone.
somebody had to be Hands spread, in an empty square.
the soup is good A bowl, a spoon and a look of having arrived.
their shoes wanted to Shoes pointing one way and the rest of them following.
they have always wondered what "here" was like A slow, pleased turn on the spot.
they liked the name on the signpost A finger tracing the letters.
they lost a bet with themselves A coin handed from the left hand to the right.
they wanted to see what was over the hill, and it was this A hilltop and a mild surprise.
the weather is slightly better here One cloud fewer.

How this list was compiled: Original list written for Draw This Next, September 2026. Nothing here is a fact to check. Every entry is why the character is here, written to follow the words "Here because". Every joke is one of circumstance. None is at the expense of a real group, a body, a disability, an accent or a name. Licence: own work

How it works

Each result is a past played for laughs: raised by owls, which explains the hours, then elected treasurer of a club they never joined. The jokes are about circumstance and are never at anyone's expense.

Read the full guide

Six parts of harmless trouble

Upbringing, incident, ambition, fear, secret and reason lock separately. Lock the line that made you laugh and press again until the others match its tone. One odd fear and one small secret are enough for a whole character.

Draw the joke

The lists under the tool give each entry a picture: a child at the end of a line of ducklings, a ribbon pinned on someone holding a fork, a wide detour round a pond. Draw that one moment and let the caption do the rest.

Play one line straight. A comic character needs one thing they truly care about.
Print 30 for a one-session game and deal them out face down.
Use the fear as a running gag, three times and no more.

Questions and answers

Is it clean enough for a classroom or a family table?

Yes. Every entry is a joke of circumstance. Nothing makes fun of a real group, a body, a disability, an accent or a name, and there is no drinking, romance or violence in any list.

Can I use it for a tabletop character?

Yes. It gives a reason to be here, something to want and something to avoid, which is what a comic character needs at a table. It names no game and no rule system, so it fits any of them.

How is it different from a serious backstory?

A serious backstory deals losses and secrets that weigh on a character. Here the same six kinds of line are comedy: nobody is hurt, the secret is that they never learned to whistle, and the worst loss is a pie.

Can I get only the animal jokes?

No. The tool deals from the whole of each list and cannot filter by group. Lock a part when one you like comes up, then keep pressing for the other five.